The day  Crazed fans Tourtured Killed Jacob Black
by VampiressE12B
Summary: Me,under a different name, and some of my freind's,under different names, kill Jacob! Yay! i promised you a story with a blender and this is it! REVIEW! I will not take resposibility for horrible blender nightmares.
1. The Idea

The Evil Plot Brewing

_**AN/ Hey. I promised a blender story! And I like this idea.**_

**Disclaimer:**** if I owned Twilight. This would really happen.**

**Kylie's POV**

Today was my birthday. My friends Sam, Daytona, and Skyla were here.

"Okay Kylie, since today is your birthday, we will do whatever you want." Daytona said.

"Yeah so what do you want to do?" Skyla asked. I thought for a minute, and then caught sight of Eclipse on my bookshelf. An idea hit me. We lived in Seattle, only a little ways to Forks. An evil grin appeared on my face. I knew what I wanted to do.

"Hello, Kylie?" Daytona said, bringing me back to reality "what do you want to do?" And so I told them my evil plot.

"Yeah! A murder! Awesome!" Sam screamed. She was my BFF. Only she would be this enthusiastic by one of my plots. But you know the fan fiction quote: _A friend will bail you out of Jail. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying "man that was awesome! Lets do it again!"_

Yep. That was Sam and I.

Daytona hesitated, but decided that she was in. Skyla left. But that was expected. Skyla was the sanest of us. In other words: we were crazy, she wasn't. And she wasn't going to get thrown in a mental ward for attempting to kill a fictional character just because it was my birthday.

Of course when she said that the Twilight characters didn't exist, we all started to yell at her. She didn't really leave per say.

We kind of kicked her out.

The three of us grabbed the Aluminum baseball bat, the blender, the hair curler, makeup, our "I love Edward Cullen" shirts, our "Jacob Black sucks" headbands, our "Please bite me" pants, and catnip. Can't go without the catnip.

We all got into my moms mini van and drove up to La push.

_**AN/ Okay, so, do you guys like it so far, or what?**_


	2. Pecan Pie

Pecan Pie

_**AN/ okay here is the second chapter. Yay second chapter!**_

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Twilight. But I do own the catnip and pecan pie. **

**Kylei's POV**

We were just past the 'Welcome to Forks' Singh, when some crazy person jumped in front of the car.

"Oh My God! What the catnip was that!?" Sam screamed. Then the person stood up and I recognized her by the huge nametag she wore. It was Team Alice!

"Hey!" I screamed once I read the name "That's a fellow fan fiction writer! Team Alice!" The others were confused but knew not to interfere with my fan fiction blabbing.

They were used to it by now.

Team Alice stood up and walked to the window on the passenger side. My window.

I rolled it down and she reached into her bag. She pulled out a pie and handed it to me.

"I heard you were going to murder Jacob Black." She said in a hushed voice. " Use this pie. It will help." She suddenly smiled evilly and added "its Pecan."

I gasped. Pecan. Jacob was allergic to Pecan.

"Thank you." I said, smiling.

We then drove away.

"So, do you know her or something?" Daytona asked.

"Were you not listening earlier?!" I snapped, "She is a fellow fan fiction writer!"

Sam was looking at the pie longingly. I took it and put it with the 'stuff'.

"Sam, you better not touch that pie!" I warned her. "It is part of our plot to kill Jacob." The car ride was silent for a few minutes before Daytona asked a very terrifying question.

"So how did she, like, Know we were going to kill Jacob?"

We all paled. I looked to my right, then my left. I leaned in to tell them.

"I don't know." I said in the most chilling voice I could imagine.

Then I leaned back and turned on the radio. We were almost to La Push now. Time to rid the world of a very annoying werewolf.

_**AN/ I picked a random reviewer who wanted to help. Don't feel bad if it wasn't you.**_

_**REVIEW!!**_


	3. Our Prisoner

Our Prisoner

AN/ okay the part you have all been waiting for. Or those of you who have actually been reading it, which is, like what 10 people? Okay so this is where we hog tie Jacob.

**Disclaimer:**** If I owned Twilight, my friends and me really would gang beat Jacob.**

**Kylie's pov**

We drove in to La push and told my mom to stop the car. **(AN/ what? You thought we were driving? I am so not old enough to drive. Yet. Lol.) **I grabbed the stuff and we walked a couple miles.

We finally came to a house that looked like a tiny barn.  
"That's it." I said. The others were confused. Only Daytona had even read the first book.

"And how do you know which house is his?" she asked. I explained the description in New Moon.

We walked in through the door.

We sneaked through the kitchen and rolled into the living room, adjusting into our spy poses. Of course the living room was too small for all three of us to roll around and I hit my head. But hey. Maybe if I had hit it a little harder I would finally be normal.

Billy Black obviously wasn't home. I sent Daytona to watch the door. She was holding the baseball bat to knock any one that came in out.

Sam and I tip toed to the little bedroom at the end of the hall. When we walked in, we saw Jacob black on his too small bed asleep. _Awwww! _I thought. It wasn't my fault! He was kind of cute asleep. But then Sam pulled me out of it. Thank God for Sam.

I was once again reminded of my evil plot!

"Mwahahahahahahhhahahaahha!!!!! MWAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAH!!!" I screamed before I realized what I was doing. I clamped my hand over my mouth quickly. Thankfully, Jake didn't even move.

"Wow." Sam stated, "He is a really deep sleeper!"

"Okay. That's good. Lets get to work." I said.

We tried to lift him off the bed and on to the chair on the other side of the room, but that didn't work.

"Sam! Get him off of me!" I yelled. We had finally gotten him off the bed, but he landed on me.

"Okay." Sam said and tried to pull him off. It didn't work.

"Sam." I said, though my voice was strained from lack of air. "He is **CRUSHING**my lungs!!!"

Sam started to pull harder but fell and so now we were BOTH stuck under this stupid werewolf!

"DAYTONA!!" we both called at the same time. "GET YOUR BUTT IN HERE AND GET HIM OFF OF US!!"

Daytona came rushing in.

"What happened did he wake up!?" she asked, panicking. Until she saw us of course. Then she burst out laughing.

"Okay. Hahaha! Funny moment over. Get him off!" I said.

"Right. Sorry, Kylie." She said pushing him off.

She helped us drag him to the chair and tie him up with the chains that we sent Sam to get out of his garage. Then we got the stuff.

I put the catnip in front of his nose and waved it around. Jacob sneezed and woke up. He looked around for a moment.

"What the.."

"Hey! No swearing!" I interrupted.

"Sure, sure." He said.

"His signature." I told the others. They nodded in understanding. Jacob just looked confused.

"Um, yeah who are you?" he asked. But then he noticed the ' I love Edward Cullen' shirts, 'Jacob black sucks' headbands, and 'please bite me' pants. Absolute horror overtook his face.

"Oh, crap. Not again." He said.

_**AN/ you know I had nothing against Jacob in New Moon. I liked him. Not as much as Edward, but he was a good friend for Bella. Now I just want to kill him. So I think I will. Lol!**_


	4. Not Again

Not Again

AN/ Okay so this is Jacobs POV of OUR PRISONER. I am sorry that this took so long but I have confirmation and then a storm came and I couldn't get online for a while. But today I am updating all my stories.

**Disclaimer:**** if I owned Twilight, Jacob wouldn't even exist. Or, Bella would slap him every time he called Edward a bloodsucker. **

**Jacob's POV**

I had been at Sam and Emily's wedding all night and I was dead tired. I was having a wonderful dream about Bella. In this particular dream, She had chosen me instead of the Cullen's. It was our wedding. Then suddenly I had fallen down as soon as Bella reached the alter.

I heard Bella's mother, René, yell, "He is **CRUSHING** my lungs!!!!"

I wasn't crushing her lungs; I was nowhere near her. Then Bella screamed "DAYTONA!! GET YOUR BUTT IN HERE!!!" Who was Daytona?

Then I sneezed awake. Why was I sitting up?

"What the…"

"Hey! No swearing!!" some one yelled. I was still half asleep so didn't think it strange that I didn't recognize the voice.

"Sure sure." I answered.

"That's his signature." The voice said. I looked up, trying to understand.

"Umm, yeah. Who are you?" I asked. But then I noticed their cloths. This same thing had happened about a month ago, but that time it was only one.

"Not again." I moaned.

_**AN/ You like? This will probably be the only one in Jakes POV, but I thought it might be funny to know what he was thinking while he was asleep. Lol.**_


	5. Let the Torture begin

Let the Torture Begin!!

_**AN/ Mwahahahah1!! We are now going to torture Jacob Black!!. Ha! **_

**Disclaimer:**** if I owned Twilight, I could happily declare Edward to be mine. Sadly I cant do that unless I want to go to jail.**

**Kylie's POV**

"Daytona," I said, "get the stuff." I started to do the evil laugh/snort thing, but stupid Jacob had to ruin it.

"Why does every one want to kill me?" I stared at him for a minute before answering.

"Well duh. You did a series of things that made us hate you.

You insulted Edward

You kissed Bella

You kissed Bella _again!_

You made Bella _like it!_

You broke her hand

And just cant except that she and Edward are meant for each other." I

stated, finished with my little rant. He must be really stupid to not understand why we all hate him.

"Yes! And she _still_ picked that bloodsucker! You people should pity me!" he exclaimed desperately.

"Things don't _always_ go your way. Get over it." I lectured.

Then Daytona came back in with the bag of torture stuff. I took the curling iron out and stared at his horrified face. Together, Sam and I started to curl his shoulder length 'silky' black hair. It was fun!

Then, we took out the make up.

"No! No! Please, No!!" Jacob begged but of coarse we didn't listen. We never listen.

We gave him some blush first, Then some Eyeliner and mascara. We had an argument about what color eye shadow to use. Jacob used that time to try to scoot his chair towards the door to get away, but Sam caught him. We ended up using fuisha. We used a very pretty purple/ burgundy lipstick on him.

After we got that done, we _shoved_ his face into the pecan pie. And we watched as he screamed in pain as his face sizzled.

Then suddenly, I heard Daytona scream. "Oh my god there is a person outside the window!!"

I looked toward the widow and sure enough there was –Ashes123- with a bag of marshmallows.

She took a marshmallow out of the bag and threw it into Jacobs's mouth.

"Oh my god! It burns!!" he said as he swallowed it.

We looked back to –Ashes123- and she waved her arms and said

"You didn't see ANYTHING!" in a very creepy voice and disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

Daytona just shrugged and plugged in the blender.

AN/ Yes the next chapter is the end. But I am writing a sequel!! Actually I am writing 3 sequels to this story.

I actually have a Jacob quote for this chapter from New Moon.

"What a marshmallow." It refers to Mike.


	6. jake finally dies

Jakes Death At last

_**AN/ Yes, I am about to kill Jacob even though I have gotten a death threat claiming:**_

_**"You will die in seven days for even touching my husband." **_

_**I could swear that the title says to stay away Jacob lovers, but you know some people don't read. I know this is insulting, but if you don't like something's plot, you shouldn't read the story. I can understand if you didn't expect something, but come on; the title is about his death!! **_

_**Sorry, that just made my top 10 pet peeves. **_

**Disclaimer:**** no!! I don't own it!! Why? Because life ISNT FAIR!!!**

**Edward and Bella said so.**

**Kylie's POV**

Daytona plugged in the blender. Jacob stared in horror.

"Wha what's that for?" he stammered. He had gone pale. Good. He should be scared. Very scared. Pee your pants scared. And thankfully that is just how scared he looked.

"You'll find out in about" I looked at my watch, "5 4 3 2 1…" just then the blender started going on Chop/Liquefy.

"No! No!!" Jacob screamed, finally understanding what the blender was for. _**(You are so totally lost right now aren't you? Lol.) **_

"Oh yes." Sam corrected. We all lifted Jacob into the blender and quickly slapped the lid on. We listened to his girly scream as the blender chopped him up.

"Eww, look at the blood." Daytona said. And indeed it was disgusting.

"Ewwwwwww!!!!!" we all yelled at the same time.

"Okay! Beat/ Purée!! I yelled. And it was switched, back and forth, until the screaming stopped.

We looked at it for a moment before we decided that he was indeed dead. Just then, Crazy is what I aim for ran in with her army of plushies.

"Aww, man!! You killed him already!" she complained. Just then there was an awful moan coming from the blender. "Oh my Carlisle!! Evil plushies of doom attack!!! She shrieked. The plushies of doom pounced on the blender and finished Jake off with there terrible plushieness.

"Cool, we made a Jacob smoothie." Sam said. "Who wants to try it first?" she asked looking around. We all just stared at her.

"Right." Crazy said, dragging out the word. "I'm going to go now." She finished. Walking by me to the door she whispered, " they scare me." I whispered back

"They scare me too." And they did. But, they scare every one. Of coarse that is not the point, because at that moment, Sam, Daytona, and I heard sirens off in the distance.

"Oh Crap!!" Daytona said.

"Run!!" I yelled.

And Sam, Daytona, and I ran off to hide in the forest.

AN/ okay I know I said this would be the last chapter but I need one more or the next one won't make much sense.

_**Jacobs's death may have been violent, yes, but it was very interesting:**_

_**Death by blenders.**_

_**Kind of cool. **_

_**REVIEW!!**_

_**And don't ask to be in the next chapter, because that one isn't open for ideas, I know how I HAVE to end this or it wont make sense, and I don't want to feel bad about not putting people in it. Sorry. **__****_


	7. Wanted

Wanted

AN/ Yes, we are all sad that this is ending. This is why I am wanted in America, Canada, Brazil, and Slovakia. I'm wanted in Norway too, but that's because I tried to blow it up. But now my best friend and next-door neighbor has gotten an account! Yes, it is the girl who wanted us to drink Jacob. I'll tell you when she rights something.

Disclaimer: I am wanted in America for trying to steal the rights, which is why I am hiding here in Estonia. Why would I steal the rights if I owned them?

Greg's POV (I think it would be awkward if Charlie was the cop to bring us down.)

This was the most unusual death I had ever seen. Death by blenders. Looking at a picture of Jacob Black, it was amazing that he fit in the blender at all!! None of us were safe.

The tests from the lab showed that the fingerprints were most definantly of 3 fan girls. But all fan girl prints look the same. They all say Edward rules on it. But they are no different from each other; therefore we could not determine who it was.

I walked over to Billy black and Embry Call, currently crying over their loss.

"Don't worry, whoever did this, we're going to catch them." I reassured them. I never failed a case.

AN/ yeah, I love the finger print thing. So, this is the dude that is going to be trying to catch us now.

Also, I tried coping a picture or shortcut to the picture I drew on the computer of the fingerprints. I know it sucks but I am not sure it will even show up, so someone tell me.


End file.
